Peanut Butter Cookie Monster

I wanna tell you that I'm now at work. Alone in the room. That I got my pay check. That I hurt my finger while punching holes in papers. That I'm so hungry. That I'm doing this. That my nanny is sad and hurt. That I miss you. That I wish things were ok. I wanna know what you are doing. That you just woke up. That you had a dream. That I'm so cold yet so hot in this small room with a weird air con. That I wish things were ok. That you didn't have to think of that option you said you'd never think of. That'd we're still weirdly funnily loving. That I'm not wearing glasses just so no one would know I'm crying. That now they only give reserve parking to all the deans when they already hogged up our parking beside the court. That everytime my phone buzz and I know it's you. That after so long of silenting my phone, i unsilent it last night wishing you would called but you didn't. That everytime I see your name it makes me smile and gives me little heart races. That I painted my toes brown. That my colleagues are going to korea and I'm so excited for them. That of this 457 days I just want to be with you. That the only reason i posted my feelings on facebook is so you can indirectly know it's meant for you. That tom yam was so good after not having it for a long time. That apparently I was hiding something from a guy which I later told you what it was about and felt so much less guilty after I confessed all my lies. That I was all 'don't mess with me' because I was defensive. I wish, you didn't went off telling other people how you feel but I always asked you and you never told me. I wish I could tell you sometimes when I'm mad, I really am not. I just want hugs and kisses and for you to make me smile. I wish I didn't do the things we did and even if I tell you I won't talk to you, that's a lie. Because all girl does that to see if the guy would love us enough to talk to us again. I wish, me and nanny didn't have to cry and miss over our own guy whom we both says are worth it but called each other stupid because the one that really loves you will never make you cry.

I wanna see you smile, touch your pointy chin when you're lazy to shave, see you with super long hair and doing the hair flick thing, tickle your ear and tickle your tummy, try pulling your leg hair and you'd speedy-up and runaway, see your waking up grumpy face...

I wish... We would not have come down to this road.. But by being apart, may be the right option for you to be better and free. Trying very hard to prepare myself physically and mentally to be what I was before. For me, I would rather be in one getting my heart healed and broken, than none at all as long as it is with and because of you..